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    Tuesday, July 07, 2009

    Unexcused Absence

    Back in March, I wrote a post about why I was not posting much, and in it I explained that when I returned, the blog may well have a different direction.


    Obviously, that essay was never posted.


    Suffice it to say that I have simply been so busy with both my professional and personal life that I have not had the chance to write anything beyond what was required for work and grad school lately. I have been so emotionally occupied, that I have not felt a NEED for the creative release either.


    In that time there have been both work and personal tugs-of-war. I am tired, but I know myself much better after them.


    In February, I began an new job and in June I accepted a (volunteer) leadership role with a group addressing GLBT persons place in religion and working with churches to help them be both welcoming AND affirming of GLBT persons.


    In May I fell in love - and it has been hard!!! I have to make so many personal adjustments to make this work - I’ve been single 42 years (yes, I count infancy and childhood). I knew relationships were work, but DAMN! Still I’m happy and I like his family. It took him five years to get me, so I’m glad he didn’t give up.


    Now I am going to be back - on somewhat of a regular basis, but I think with a specific focus. We’ll see how that works out over the next few months.

    Monday, February 16, 2009

    I Had a Dream

    I had a dream a few nights ago unlike any I have had before – at least that I remember. I keep going back to it trying to come up with some analysis of it or meaning to it, but end up just giggling insanely.

    In the dream, a friend (from church) and I were attending an orgy. All around us nakedness and enthusiastic activity ensued. We were together in the middle of it all.

    He reclined on a couch.

    I sat on the floor leaning against the couch.

    We were watching British comedies.

    Yes , surrounded by an orgy, we were watching television. Surely it means something, but I cannot get past the giggling.

    I am not sure if I keep giggling at the comedies we were watching, the absurdity of the situation, or just all the naked bodies I see in those recalled images.

    Honestly – outside the passion of the moment – naked bodies are generally pretty funny.

    I told my friend about the dream. He was not at all surprised saying he could see the two of us watching British comedies. I do not know if that meant naked (he is fairly European in attitude) or not, but he was very matter-of-fact about it all.

    He has not yet caught the full visual of my dream. He would just be giggling too.

    Thursday, February 05, 2009

    Life Gets in the Way

    Sometimes life just gets in the way of the things we want to do. For the last few months I have known that my job was going away as the grant that funded it was coming to an end. I never really mourned that fact as my job was created more-or-less because other people could not get along. Those people  were no longer in the picture, so the various aspects of my job could go into their logical homes and most likely function even better there then they were able to as independent fragments gathered into an imaginary whole.

    For about a year I have been selectedly applying for jobs in the region (as well as applying for some jobs within the system for political purposes). Finally two weeks ago, the right opportunity came around and I was offered a job that had been on the horizon for nearly a year. The person recruiting me kept telling me to be patient, but it was getting increasingly difficult the longer it went.

    In a whirlwind week, I resigned from my previous job, organized the transition documents and activities to the appropriate people, and boxed my program’s documents from the previous six years for archiving, packed my personal effects, contacted key persons in the community and various affiliated organizations, and was out of the old job four days later.

    Normally two weeks notice is the custom; however, I think the human resources department decided it was easier to release me after four days at the end of a pay period rather than try to figure out partial pay and benefits. I think it is fair to give Human Resources low marks for something like that given their reasoning, not the understanding that they were merely being efficient.

    All that to say, that though I know I am still in the honeymoon phase with the new job, I am deliriously happy. For the first time in a few years, I really have to think about what I’m doing, what I want to do, and how I want to get things done.

    So back to the beginning: sometimes life gets in the way of the things we really want to do – like this blog. I have been incredibly inconsistent over the last few months because of the busyness of everything going one. Yes, the old job sometimes kept me busy, but nothing challenged me – it was busy and that’s all. That busyness coupled with a lack of energy to do much of anything left me with little to write or time to write about nothing.

    I’m not Seinfeld after all.

    Through the whole of the inauguration and those heady events, I wanted to write about the tears and my feelings, but every other blogger was doing that and there was really no sense in adding to the clutter. So, I’ve largely been silent. With all the true work I now do, I doubt I will have as much time to write as I have over the last couple years, but I am certainly going to keep up with my observations from time to time – like the Home Depot I spotted as the plane I’m on was taking off from Dallas Love Field. Due to a light out it said “Home De ot.”  Seriously now – you’re a home improvement store – FIX THE LIGHT!

    Sunday, January 25, 2009

    Skype Me

    I really hate talking on the phone. It makes me incredibly nervous to pick up the phone and call someone. Something about a disembodied voice makes me uncomfortable. A voice without a face attached is only semi-human. Phones though have become so ubiquitous that we scoff at those with only a home phone.

    Yeah – I have a home phone, but I don’t know the number. I mean it. I didn’t learn it, don’t use it, and don’t share it. I only remember it is there because the caller id flashes up on the television screen from time to time because it is part of the package with cable and internet. It is one of those wacky promotions where you have to get something you don’t want to get what you want at a really low price.

    Skype came about in somewhat the same way for me. I needed a way to do a conference call with a technical support person and wanted my staff to be able to hear the responses and ask questions. Since there was no phone in the room and wireless Internet, I decided to check out skype and see if it would work.

    This is what phones are supposed to be!

    I don’t have to hold it, there is the possibility of video calling (though I have not tried it), and I can do normal other things while talking with someone and am not concerned with holding anything in my hand.

    I think my real problem with a “phone” is that I have to handle it, hold it, and it limits what I can be doing while I’m also talking. With skype, as long as the microphone can pick up my voice and the speakers are loud enough for me to hear, I can use it.

    Now I am trying to track down all my friends with skype to add them to the address book.

    So….skype me at “roylarson” or 15126860394

    Thursday, January 08, 2009

    Sex and the Bible

    One of the greatest tragedies for the Christian church is our total abdication on sex education. It is truly sad because there is so much potential to be gained from members having a healthy sex life. I firmly believe because the church has recently been so committed to “abstinence only” education and presenting sex as a bad thing, that we have seen so many scandals in both Catholic and protestant churches related to sexual misconduct on the part of members and leaders.

    God created us to be sexual beings for a purpose. When we create an impossibly high standard for sexual conduct, the reflex is to act in the extreme against it.

    I commented to a friend the other day that if I were to win the lottery (of course, I’d have to play the lottery to win it), I would write more on my blog, do religious studies and writing, and write stories.

    And then for shock, (he’s studying to be a minister), I added, “and porn. I’d write porn.”

    Not to be outdone, he Googled, “Christian Porn.”

    He found: http://www.sexinchrist.com .

    I’ve always heard you can prove anything you want with the Bible. The site definitely tests that hypothesis.

    The site somewhat confuses me. I question the sincerity with which much of the text is written. Surely the author is kidding when he includes such section headings as “The Trouble With Stubble,” “The Fist of Might,” and “Drink of the Living Water.” Too many passages lack the tongue-in-cheek excursus, however, and appear to be a genuine belief in the interpretations presented.

    I have spent three days gripping my sides as I have laughed about the articles, but I have not been able to come close to writing anything as humorous as the genuine articles. Instead, I have truly come to mourn our Christian negligence in addressing sex in a straightforward, honest way.

    I am not, at this time anyway, the scholar to tackle the issue, but I would call on all faithful to ask tough questions of the clergy. They know it is an issue for society, but rarely progress beyond the “thou shalt nots” to the “thou mays.” I look forward to my first sermon telling me what I should be doing in the bedroom.

    Sunday, January 04, 2009

    O Holy Drag

    A few weeks ago when I was visiting Wichita, Kansas, I finally visited some of the gay bars there. Let’s just say that I have been to better bars than those, but I must admit that the presence of the bars in Wichita impressed me.

    And they have drag shows!

    Who  knew?

    Apparently, drag is HUGE in Wichita.

    Who knew?

    Austin has a few regular drag queens and the always-amazing Austin Babtist [sic] Women (comedy gospel charity group), but no real drag culture. I know other cities have a vibrant drag community, but they are all similar to Austin in the large urban, somewhat socially liberal cities. That Wichita has a drag scene surprises me.

    I caught the show the Sunday night before Christmas.

    It was the Christmas Special!

    Christmas is the perfect time for drag. All the glitter and color and pageantry of the holiday create a perfect excuse for a drag show.

    It did not help much here.

    The first song I heard performed was “O Holy Night.”

    It was performed like a drag anthem, but it’s not! How can I say this nicely: it was just WRONG!

    Nothing else the performers presented in the special represented a real drag anthem. As a whole it was bad drag all around, but I had a great time. If anything else because it was so unexpected.

    Wednesday, December 24, 2008

    Cold Freak

    I have to admit that I am a little bit of a freak when it comes to cold weather. I live in central Texas but my Minnesota roots (dad was raised there) run deep. I love the cold weather. Feeling the bite of frigid air brushing against my skin and the intense chill sucking the air from my lungs highlights the experience.

    Almost every year, I come to Wichita, Kansas the weekend before Christmas to spend some time with my uncle, aunt, and my cousins. We always have so much fun each time we get together – it is the way holidays are meant to be.

    I’ve probably mentioned our $1 gifts before. We have more fun with a dollar than just about anyone I’ve known. The kids bring out the kid in all the adults as we spend the evening shooting one another with nerf darts, bouncing ping-pong balls, eating and visiting.

    This year along with the family fun, we had COLD! The temperatures dropped into the single digits with highs in the upper teens to low twenties. I think the warmest it was while I was there was twenty-two degrees. Almost the entire time a wind blew that instantly chilled one to the core -  no gradual easing into the sensation of cold. It happened automatically on contact.

    So this Christmas was exceptional.  Now to pray for snow in central Texas.

    Saturday, December 13, 2008

    Pain

    The Apostle Paul made reference to the thorn in his flesh as a source of the suffering. For him, it was a constant reminder of the suffering of Christ and of his own persecution of the early Christians.

    I am trying to be so noble.

    During my visit with a doctor Wednesday morning, he informed me that as a result of the recent infection, I may be in pain for the rest of my life. Apparently following the swelling, some permanent nerve damage may have occurred.

    My initial reaction has not been so gracious as Paul’s.

    But I wonder if he was always so gracious or if the acceptance came after a time of learning, growth, and sheer frustration. Humans rarely choose suffering as the path we take. We seek comfort and security, and lessons from pain require time to be realized.

    When I was first diagnosed with my chronic illness it took about a year before I came to accept or at least justify a purpose for it in my life. Fortunately, the illness has no daily repercussions beyond taking my medications on time daily. I do not “feel” anything though.

    Pain is a little different though. It bites every time I move. It aches all the while I sit.

    I do not want to make peace with it or accept it as a lifetime affliction.

    Nevertheless, if the pain is to be a daily companion until my passing, then by golly, there better be a good lesson from it. Perhaps the biggest challenge I will have is coming to take the Apostle Paul as my guide. Some of his writings are used to justify the hate exhibited by so many of the most conservative Christians and I find myself drawn to the gospel of love presented by Christ.

     

    Where in that conflict can I find my guide? Granted the prognosis for persistent pain only came today, but the pain has existed five weeks and the frustration with it has grown out of proportion to the pain over that time. Those who know me know I do not handle frustration well. I like order, answers, and certainty in my life and work even while I propose and ponder larger questions. It is one thing to think broadly but quite another to live broadly until the thoughts have somewhat gelled.

    While the thoughts are still fluid though, frustration creates in me the sense that I may simply start to weep at any moment. The frustration is what I’m trying to move through now – and then I’ll be in a better place to deal with the rest.

    Monday, December 08, 2008

    What I Would Have Said

    Where does the time go? In the last few weeks I’ve had so many topics for posts come across my mind, but have not successfully composed one or posted it.

    I am also a week late in sending out my holiday cards. I have been trying to take the perfect picture to match my mood this year: cranky. But I have yet to get the perfect one snapped – and it is double difficult because I rely on the timer delay on my camera since I take my own picture. Yes – I even have to multi-task picture taking.


    I digress.


    Had I actually written posts for your enjoyment they would be:

    1) What is the BCS thinking? (in which I grouse about UT not making it to the National Championship Game)

    2) Economics Schmeconomics (in which I rejoice at having seven professional certifications in education, thus will likely stay employed)

    3) Party Anxiety (in which someone else had a party at my house)

    4) Election Hangover (in which I think I still have to check CNN.com every 15 minutes for the latest Sarah Palin gaffe)

    5) Lights Fantastic (in which my roommate succeeds in putting up enough Christmas lights around the house to confuse small airplanes heading to the airport behind my house)


    Just think of the hilarity and grouching you missed out on!

    Sunday, November 30, 2008

    About Thanksgiving...

    This year I did something I have not done before – hosted Thanksgiving for friends without any family around at all. Normally some of my family members make it, but this year everyone had other plans, so it was just friends.

    It was the BEST THANKSGIVING EVER!

    I do not say that to disparage my family because I always enjoy getting to host them in my home and was looking forward to seeing my nephews. The absence of family, though, took away all the stresses that come with being around family that are natural, normal, and simply a part of being family. No matter how much we love them, the “ugh, family” factor always surfaces.

    Seven friends came over for Thanksgiving Day lunch (and three days later I still have leftovers enough to feed another seven). The friends came from various parts of my life: church, professional contacts who became friends, and relatives of friends. It was an amazing mix of people who all got along well. In fact three people spent the night. I don’t count J since he lives here now, but it was great to stay up late, watching football, movies, and watching everyone else play Scrabble (I was about to collapse after cooking, so I sat aside).

    I look forward to more holidays like this one.