Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hot Stuff!

Beware “Reply All.”

Because my job sometimes requires me to send out email reminders to some 600 people at a time, I learned the value of “bcc” after just the first experience when some people responded to the entire group with a hostile response. Since that time, the large group has all been under “bcc” so any response will be minimal. I “cc” a few key people, so they will know what has been sent and anyone who needs to, can respond to the key persons.

Yesterday was one of the days I got to send out the mass email.

Today the replies started coming in.

Thank goodness for the “bcc.” The only “reply all” said:

Hey there! Whaz up hot stuff? When are we doing happy hour?

In a way, I wanted all 600 to know that I was “hot stuff,” but I’m glad only three people saw it. Those three are going to give me enough hell for a long time.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Latex Boyfriend

As Valentine’s Day was kicking off and everyone on the radio was going on about it, I started adding up my Valentine’s Days. This year marks my forty-second trip through the holiday, though I doubt the first few years really mattered. In the 42 experiences, 40 of them have been while celebrating Singlehood Awareness Day rather than any type of romantic event. For a tightwad date like me, that’s a good thing.

The media have been filled with all the romantic (read EXPENSIVE) things to do for your loved one on this most romantic of days. I wear a Winnie the Pooh tie on which he is hanging from big red-heart balloons. I bought the tie years ago at Target for about $5 and it has given me years of service. I don’t think any of my $40 ties will ever pay off as well no matter how many times I get to wear them.

The really good news today was that the sale and promotion of sex toys was no longer banned in Texas. The Federal Court in New Orleans overturned the law banning them. Until the court action, one could not call a sex toy a sex toy, they had to be referred to as some other name, like vibrator (or for those that don’t vibrate – rubber hammer). They could be displayed as pieces of latex art, but not legally explained to cause any sexual stimulation.

But if one owned more than six pieces of latex art, one was a criminal for promoting sex toys.

Alas, now I can come clean.

My relationship no longer has to be a secret.

My latex boyfriend no longer has to be hidden – or framed.

I can now proudly parade my latex boyfriend publically without shame.

Latex boyfriends really are quite easy and effective to have:

1) He doesn’t require expensive gifts.
2) He won’t cheat – and if he does it will be as part of a three-some.
3) I can ignore him for weeks and he won’t complain.
4) He’s ready to go again after just a quick shower.
5) He lets me do all the talking!

Really – can it be any better? And now that I think of it, I have not been single on Valentine’s Day that many years after all.

Monday, February 11, 2008


I must confess.

I’m a murderer.

Actually, it was more involuntary pescacide.

I planted some new bulbs in my aquarium a few weeks ago only to have the aquarium infested with algae within a week. I’ve done the treatments, but just could not get ahead of it, so as a last resort, I emptied most of the water and then netted the fish and placed them in an alternate, pre-prepared container. I even had the aerator going, and because it was a shallower dish, I had a rag over the top to keep any from accidentally jumping out.

After making sure I had caught all the quick little fish in the murky water, I drained the rest of the water out, washed all the accessories, and filled the tank again with water.

After letting the tank process for a while and the water reach an acceptable temperature, I took the cloth off to discover a bowl of dead fish. Only the mollies were alive.

I did everything I was supposed to do to make sure the water was ready, the right temperature, with an aerator. Everything.

I even double checked the chemicals I used in the water.

I was mortified to discover I had used the wrong water conditioner. I used the one that added healthy bacteria and such to the water, but not the one to remove chlorine.

I was mortified that I had poisoned my fish.

So until I get to the pet store and purchase some more fish, the 5 mollies have 55 gallons of playroom.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Ash Wednesday

Overheard during Ash Wednesday service following Communion:

"So much for Christ's body. I just got his fingernail!"

God is truly amazing. In that instant, he gave me and everyone around me the willpower not to bust a gut laughing.

Music for 18 Musicians

Last Sunday while preparing for church, I listened to NPR’s Weekend Edition Sunday as is my habit. Each week, just about the time I walk out the door, there is a final extended piece about an artist or a performance. This time it featured a generally unknown university music group, Grand Valley State University’s New Music Ensemble. Shortly after being formed the director announced they would be tackling Steve Reich’s Music for 18 Musicians.

Before I sound too scholarly on modern classical music, I have to admit I’d never heard of Reich or the piece Music for 18 Musicians until that story on NPR. On the whole, I know more than many about 18th, 19th, and 20th century composers up until the 1950’s, but I’m certainly not a scholar in the genre. I know very little and listen to very little music from the latter half of the 20th century.

Nevertheless, there was something that transfixed me about the music clips from the feature. It was certainly not Beethoven or even Saint Saens. This is
Donnie Darko on speed. I could run to this music.

Tonight I downloaded it from iTunes and am sitting here listening to it. Modern composition generally does not move me. I find so much of it to be an academic experiment in tonal collision or atonality. Precisely for those reasons, I’m not largely a fan.

I’m writing this review as I listen to the music for the very first time. Normally I memorize a song or CD before I write about it. I could not wait that long. Ten minutes into the piece, I found that tears were streaming down my face and yet I had a pleasant, joyful smile across that same face. I was happy to overflowing and was totally enthralled by the piece.

My mind at this moment is focused on every percussive note in the forefront while stringed melodies slide in from the background.

I paused the music almost immediately after I started listening to it because my computer speakers clearly could not handle it, so I grabbed my favorite headphones so I could listen closely. One reason I like headphones for the best music is that when I’m listening, both ears are occupied, but the bulk of the tune fills my head. I can sit here with my eyes closed and “watch” the musicians play. Throughout Music, there are many instances when two of the same instrument are playing slightly different music and those occupy the ear while the other sixteen instruments/voices are crammed into my skull.

Sometimes I’m really glad Miss Davis didn’t let us look at our fingers when we learned to type. I can be absorbed in this piece and not worry about what is going on to my laptop screen.

Reich created a tune in which instrumental voices rise and fall throughout the piece and different instruments take the lead at various times. Sometimes the new instruments rush the stage and other times they are skulking about behind the scenes for a bit before one realizes they are even there. These melodies range from lullaby to frenzied metal. Something about the xylophone keeps even the most frenzied piece from inspiring anxiety in the listener. The cello contrasting violins in the background almost forces a sense of calm over the hammering xylophone.

I guess what strikes me most about it is the actual chant-like repetition of music. The repeated bars create a meditative, spiritual quality that rises above the sometimes chaotic sound. While in some cases the chaos comes from the two percussive, stringed, or woodwind instruments building into the same piece, the bars are the same and are repeated equally. Much like religious chant, the music draws one in a bit deeper with every repetition but does not allow one to sleep.

The first impression that I could run to this music has been replaced by the depth of meditation I feel with it. It has the tempo for running, but with the spirituality, I would become so engrossed I would fall off the trail. Music does not allow for quiet meditation, rather it inspires a meditative workout.

The piece just ended and I found myself letting out an extended sigh as though I had held my breath for entire hour of the performance. I want more but am resisting the urge to start over again. Honestly, I don’t know if I can take it.

You may be surprised at the idea that I have not decided if I like it or not. I do not have the frame of reference to really judge if it is a good piece or not so the decision will be purely emotional rather than scholarly. Since I mentioned earlier that the piece moved me to joyful tears as I sat enthralled, I guess I’ll have to go with an “I love it” on the emotional scale. Seriously – it is not often I can sit for an hour completely transfixed by anything, much less a classical piece I could be listening to through the stereo.