Going Sane

Why do others feel compelled to panic at someone else’s bad news? It truly confounds me that they feel as if they are not truly supporting you unless they are running around screaming and flailing.

Really? Does that help anything?

Maybe I’m a natural counselor in that I remained completely calm on the surface and still am. I have never accomplished anything by screaming and failing: I’m not coordinated enough to manage screaming and flailing while actually THINKING about things. I schedule my meltdowns because unscheduled ones rarely do any good.

The news revolved around financing for my job. I knew going into the position a year ago that there was a good chance the job would not be funded beyond a year. Word came today that it was not in fact funded beyond the end of the month (conclusion of one year). I’ll have a job by the end of the month, so I’m not terribly concerned.

My heart broke today when shortly after finding out there was no funding for my position (which is really ok – if I get a certain promotion, I would get rid of my current position), I found out there was no funding for the other two people who work in my office – and it was my job to tell them.

How do you go about telling two people you truly respect, admire, and LIKE that their jobs are not being funded for the next year? I knew I wanted to do it as soon as possible to give them the quickest heads up possible, but it was the last thing I ever wanted to tell anyone. And I was angry. It is one thing for me to think my own job is not worth saving, but how dare they affect the jobs of those who are worth saving; the people who do the day-to-day work that makes a difference in the lives of students. My insides tumbled around for about thirty minutes until I was able to tell both of them at the same time.

They took the news remarkably well – better than I did inside. Maybe inside, they were upset as I, but they kept their calm and managed the news and went right about looking for new jobs. I could barely stay in the office in their presence.

Somehow I managed to stay sane through the day and came home and just chill while I thought about options and tried to decide exactly what it was that I want next while I make sure my co-workers get what they deserve.