My friends sometimes bring me into the most interesting conversations. One friend told me he found out after the fact that a former roommate's boyfriend used to stand outside his door and listen to him having sex. That person also discovered a location where he could look through the window and watch. We both found the acts to be more than a little creepy.
We also found it a bit of a turn-on and a more than a little bit flattering.
I find someone secretively being a voyeur disturbing, but the idea that he may get off by watching or listening to me excites me. Does that make me an exhibitionist or does it mean I have an enormous ego? The entire idea of watching and being watched led to a long discussion of what are the boundaries of voyeurism and exhibitionism. Is there a boundary at which one stops becoming a voyeur and is merely a vehicle for someone who is an exhibitionist? Likewise, does the point exist at which one is no longer an exhibitionist, but merely live porn for a voyeur?
As he and I discussed all the possibilities, we discussed each of them in depth. In the week since the conversation, I have not come to any better conclusions we did in the conversation. I can give the clinical definitions of each, but it is hard to distinguish the boundary – if there even has to be one. Perhaps exhibitionists just exist to provide an outlet for voyeurs – and vice-versa.
All I know is – if you are gonna watch me – tell me first! Boost my ego (and don't make me think you're a creep!)
1 comment:
Yeah, knowing you're being listened to or watched/lusted after is a turn on and an ego boost if you don't think too hard about what kinds of people are typically voyeurs.
I had a little voyeur yesterday. We've got a hand mirror so patients can look at their teeth when picking out a shade for then dentures or seeing how they fit or show them the spots they're missing when they brush. I know for sure this older woman was checking me out. First, it can't take that long to look at your four remaining teeth in front. (She was getting fitted for false teeth. Don't smoke a pack a day kids. It leads to receding gums.) Second, if you are checking your teeth out to compare their their shade, it helps to actually open your mouth. Thirdly, it's helpful to subtly angle the mirror rather than move your arm away from your body and stopping when the object you're spying on gets into the mirror's line of vision.
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