Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Latex Boyfriend

As Valentine’s Day was kicking off and everyone on the radio was going on about it, I started adding up my Valentine’s Days. This year marks my forty-second trip through the holiday, though I doubt the first few years really mattered. In the 42 experiences, 40 of them have been while celebrating Singlehood Awareness Day rather than any type of romantic event. For a tightwad date like me, that’s a good thing.

The media have been filled with all the romantic (read EXPENSIVE) things to do for your loved one on this most romantic of days. I wear a Winnie the Pooh tie on which he is hanging from big red-heart balloons. I bought the tie years ago at Target for about $5 and it has given me years of service. I don’t think any of my $40 ties will ever pay off as well no matter how many times I get to wear them.

The really good news today was that the sale and promotion of sex toys was no longer banned in Texas. The Federal Court in New Orleans overturned the law banning them. Until the court action, one could not call a sex toy a sex toy, they had to be referred to as some other name, like vibrator (or for those that don’t vibrate – rubber hammer). They could be displayed as pieces of latex art, but not legally explained to cause any sexual stimulation.

But if one owned more than six pieces of latex art, one was a criminal for promoting sex toys.

Alas, now I can come clean.

My relationship no longer has to be a secret.

My latex boyfriend no longer has to be hidden – or framed.

I can now proudly parade my latex boyfriend publically without shame.

Latex boyfriends really are quite easy and effective to have:

1) He doesn’t require expensive gifts.
2) He won’t cheat – and if he does it will be as part of a three-some.
3) I can ignore him for weeks and he won’t complain.
4) He’s ready to go again after just a quick shower.
5) He lets me do all the talking!

Really – can it be any better? And now that I think of it, I have not been single on Valentine’s Day that many years after all.
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