Zombie Gospel

The gospel text at church this morning related the raising of Lazarus after he had been dead four days.

I'm not much a fan of horror or spooky in general. I went out on Halloween dressed as myself which is plenty frightening to those who know me.

Yet, I thoroughly enjoyed Zombieland, but only because it is a comedy and not the typical horror schtick.

I'm also reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Yes it is a real novel. Even though I am a former English teacher, I never could make myself it through any of Jane Austen's novels. They were all too much "chick book" for me. The addition of zombies could not make it any worse and may have helped - so I purchased the Kindle version and have been most entertained when I've had the chance to read for pleasure.

My two recent experiences with zombies in the novel and movie format absolutely shaped the imagery of the gospel reading. I could not get the images of he "undead" Lazarus wrapped in his burial clothes out of my head.

I have not been able to find any theology of the undead in any mainstream religion. The historical/cultural threats to disrupt the eternal rest could be taken from a few well chosen Bible verses that explain the resurrection of believers and Jesus's demonstration of it by his own resurrection and the resurrection of Lazarus.

The true beauty of it all in the Christian perspective is not the mindless raising of the body, but the real life of the sould joined with other saints and in the presence of God. The "spooky" Lazarus was really just a brief interlude on a lovely All Saints Day, and I for one look forward to the resurrection.

(Relationship) Toxic Blog

I generally try to be somewhat restrained in talking about relationships or work in a public forum such as this. I don’t go to any extraordinary measures to hide my identity, so I could be found out by lovers or co-workers (Hey there, N, L, K, J, W, and C!).

This, for me, is simply not the place to air dirty laundry.

So, I try to keep personal and work related posts to the generic, humorous, absurd, or positive.

Twice I have mentioned that I have a boyfriend.

Twice, within days of mentioning said boyfriend, the relationship has ended.

So, I have made a resolution:

Whereas every time I mention a boyfriend in a post, the relationship ends and,

Whereas I really want a stable relationship in my life;

Therefore, be it resolved that I shall never again mention any relationship by title in a blog post.

From now on, anything regarding my personal relationship status will just have to be inferred through the text - or if you know me, you can just ask me directly, but don’t sit around refreshing this page for any juicy bits.

At least, not any juicy bits about me!

A Simple Prayer

Growing up in the Baptist tradition, one learns to master the art of improvised prayer (a particularly useful skill when pop-tests come up). When I have known in advance that I would be giving a prayer, I have thought of a few phrases that call in the them of the service on a given day, but I have never written a prayer to be delivered verbatim.

At least until now.

I was called upon to give a prayer of thanksgiving following the baptism of my boyfriend. Something about the mix of solemnity and joy of the occasion calls for something more scripted - and since he will be out of the room, he wants to know what I say. I have been challenged by the very thought of what prayer is and what is appropriate for a baptism.

I have heard many people deliver beautiful scripted prayers and have envied those who could deliver them so well, but it has never been something in the scope of my experience. Now I’m discovering that writing a prayer is no easy task.

I have been working on the prayer for over a week an a few lines of poetry have emerged from time to time. I am constantly editing and the prayer may indeed be the most thoroughly revised piece of writing I have ever done. I just want it to be something special for the occasion and for my boyfriend at this such meaningful time.

What I keep questioning about the prayer: does it need to be poetic and heartfelt? Just poetic? Just heartfelt? My first inclination has been to go with just heartfelt, but public prayer is oratorical and without poetry, will it carry any resonance for the celebration of such a grand day? We are warned against vainglorious “show-off” public prayers by Jesus. Those prayers were by people calling attention to themselves and their own (false) piety. I want the prayer to be memorable for the occasion it recognizes, not for the one delivering it.

Baptism is such a sacred moment, it calls for serious consideration, but it also calls for perhaps the greatest celebration of any event practiced in the Christian church. Poetry can span both poles. Great oratory can as well. What I have come up with is a little of both.

I pray it does the duty.

Prayer for Baptistm:

God of creation

And God of re-creation

We are here, now

Solemn at the thought

of the sacrifice that cleanses

more than the water touches;

Overjoyed by the thought

of the love so generous

it heals the broken heart

Amazed at the thought

of the grace beyond deserving

that joins us to you.

Let us now rejoice!

Let us now sing!

Let us celebrate the soul, you, God of creation and God of re-creation have made new.

Join our hearts together in the journey before us - under your guidance and your will.

In the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior, we pray. Amen.

Goal for Living

Part of the staff development for my current job included taking the Gallup organization’s StrengthsFinder 2.0 inventory and report our findings to the director of professional development. These kinds of inventories are exactly the type of thing that fascinate me as an educator and counselor. Truth be told, it is taking these kinds of inventories that fascinate me most. With 177 forced-choices, I came away with much to think about as I tried to memorize as many of them as possible in the 20 second time frame alloted to each pair.

As with any well developed instrument, the results were entirely, “Well, duh!” to me (but perhaps, I am more attuned to myself than some people). The only thing different about it comes in the vocabulary it uses to describe and group results. They have 34 themes under four domains. When results are calculated reports are available that identify the taker’s top five themes. My top five are all spot-on and I am willing to bet the scores are so close, the order is interchangeable.

The question that nags at my brain - because it craves information and order - is “what is the order for the remaining 29 themes?” If one is at the top, certainly, one must be at the bottom.’

They really want me to pay $550 for one hour with a personal consultant to find out.

The five themes identified as my top five are (in order): Input, Learner, Achiever, Intellection, Deliberative.

Don’t they get it? With those five, I am going to figure it out for free! I am smart and determined!

I am strongest in the “Strategic Thinking” domain with three themes there - Input, Learner, Intellection and second strongest in “Executing” with Achiever and Deliberative located there.

Not surprising to those who know me well (and despite formal training and practice as a counselor) I lack any identified strengths in the “Influencing” or “Relationship Builder” domains. What it really proves to me is that I am as much the introvert as I try to convince people I am. While I have good great stage presence in front of groups, it sucks away all my personal emotional energy. When I am done with a personal appearance before an audience, I require personal alone-time to recover and re-energize. I maintain a few very close friends in my life and do not even pretend to be friends with everyone.

Yes, I know how to be social, I just don’t go ga-ga, and I do only what I need to keep in touch. Occasionally someone will strike me and I make every effort to bring that person into my circle of friends. Generally though, I am not the warm fuzzy in the room.

Still, I am proud of my strengths and they position me well for the things I want to do and goals I have. One question, asked in several ways through the inventory, revolved around the goals one has in life. While I responded that I am goal oriented, I realized I rarely write my goals in a final printed form. I have them floating around in my head, but I don’t always publish them.

That is where my brain went after taking the survey and what I imagine I will be spending the next few days doing. I want a stated goal for living; a declared purpose in life.

In the end it will likely be a “well, duh” statement, but if I have been living my life true to me, the isn’t that what it should be?

Of course, one never knows - I may quit my job, sell my house, and decide to live in a tee-pee on the Kansas plain.

Unexcused Absence

Back in March, I wrote a post about why I was not posting much, and in it I explained that when I returned, the blog may well have a different direction.

Obviously, that essay was never posted.

Suffice it to say that I have simply been so busy with both my professional and personal life that I have not had the chance to write anything beyond what was required for work and grad school lately. I have been so emotionally occupied, that I have not felt a NEED for the creative release either.

In that time there have been both work and personal tugs-of-war. I am tired, but I know myself much better after them.

In February, I began an new job and in June I accepted a (volunteer) leadership role with a group addressing GLBT persons place in religion and working with churches to help them be both welcoming AND affirming of GLBT persons.

In May I fell in love - and it has been hard!!! I have to make so many personal adjustments to make this work - I’ve been single 42 years (yes, I count infancy and childhood). I knew relationships were work, but DAMN! Still I’m happy and I like his family. It took him five years to get me, so I’m glad he didn’t give up.

Now I am going to be back - on somewhat of a regular basis, but I think with a specific focus. We’ll see how that works out over the next few months.

I Had a Dream

I had a dream a few nights ago unlike any I have had before – at least that I remember. I keep going back to it trying to come up with some analysis of it or meaning to it, but end up just giggling insanely.

In the dream, a friend (from church) and I were attending an orgy. All around us nakedness and enthusiastic activity ensued. We were together in the middle of it all.

He reclined on a couch.

I sat on the floor leaning against the couch.

We were watching British comedies.

Yes , surrounded by an orgy, we were watching television. Surely it means something, but I cannot get past the giggling.

I am not sure if I keep giggling at the comedies we were watching, the absurdity of the situation, or just all the naked bodies I see in those recalled images.

Honestly – outside the passion of the moment – naked bodies are generally pretty funny.

I told my friend about the dream. He was not at all surprised saying he could see the two of us watching British comedies. I do not know if that meant naked (he is fairly European in attitude) or not, but he was very matter-of-fact about it all.

He has not yet caught the full visual of my dream. He would just be giggling too.

Life Gets in the Way

Sometimes life just gets in the way of the things we want to do. For the last few months I have known that my job was going away as the grant that funded it was coming to an end. I never really mourned that fact as my job was created more-or-less because other people could not get along. Those people  were no longer in the picture, so the various aspects of my job could go into their logical homes and most likely function even better there then they were able to as independent fragments gathered into an imaginary whole.

For about a year I have been selectedly applying for jobs in the region (as well as applying for some jobs within the system for political purposes). Finally two weeks ago, the right opportunity came around and I was offered a job that had been on the horizon for nearly a year. The person recruiting me kept telling me to be patient, but it was getting increasingly difficult the longer it went.

In a whirlwind week, I resigned from my previous job, organized the transition documents and activities to the appropriate people, and boxed my program’s documents from the previous six years for archiving, packed my personal effects, contacted key persons in the community and various affiliated organizations, and was out of the old job four days later.

Normally two weeks notice is the custom; however, I think the human resources department decided it was easier to release me after four days at the end of a pay period rather than try to figure out partial pay and benefits. I think it is fair to give Human Resources low marks for something like that given their reasoning, not the understanding that they were merely being efficient.

All that to say, that though I know I am still in the honeymoon phase with the new job, I am deliriously happy. For the first time in a few years, I really have to think about what I’m doing, what I want to do, and how I want to get things done.

So back to the beginning: sometimes life gets in the way of the things we really want to do – like this blog. I have been incredibly inconsistent over the last few months because of the busyness of everything going one. Yes, the old job sometimes kept me busy, but nothing challenged me – it was busy and that’s all. That busyness coupled with a lack of energy to do much of anything left me with little to write or time to write about nothing.

I’m not Seinfeld after all.

Through the whole of the inauguration and those heady events, I wanted to write about the tears and my feelings, but every other blogger was doing that and there was really no sense in adding to the clutter. So, I’ve largely been silent. With all the true work I now do, I doubt I will have as much time to write as I have over the last couple years, but I am certainly going to keep up with my observations from time to time – like the Home Depot I spotted as the plane I’m on was taking off from Dallas Love Field. Due to a light out it said “Home De ot.”  Seriously now – you’re a home improvement store – FIX THE LIGHT!

Skype Me

I really hate talking on the phone. It makes me incredibly nervous to pick up the phone and call someone. Something about a disembodied voice makes me uncomfortable. A voice without a face attached is only semi-human. Phones though have become so ubiquitous that we scoff at those with only a home phone.

Yeah – I have a home phone, but I don’t know the number. I mean it. I didn’t learn it, don’t use it, and don’t share it. I only remember it is there because the caller id flashes up on the television screen from time to time because it is part of the package with cable and internet. It is one of those wacky promotions where you have to get something you don’t want to get what you want at a really low price.

Skype came about in somewhat the same way for me. I needed a way to do a conference call with a technical support person and wanted my staff to be able to hear the responses and ask questions. Since there was no phone in the room and wireless Internet, I decided to check out skype and see if it would work.

This is what phones are supposed to be!

I don’t have to hold it, there is the possibility of video calling (though I have not tried it), and I can do normal other things while talking with someone and am not concerned with holding anything in my hand.

I think my real problem with a “phone” is that I have to handle it, hold it, and it limits what I can be doing while I’m also talking. With skype, as long as the microphone can pick up my voice and the speakers are loud enough for me to hear, I can use it.

Now I am trying to track down all my friends with skype to add them to the address book.

So….skype me at “roylarson” or 15126860394

Sex and the Bible

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O Holy Drag

A few weeks ago when I was visiting Wichita, Kansas, I finally visited some of the gay bars there. Let’s just say that I have been to better bars than those, but I must admit that the presence of the bars in Wichita impressed me.

And they have drag shows!

Who  knew?

Apparently, drag is HUGE in Wichita.

Who knew?

Austin has a few regular drag queens and the always-amazing Austin Babtist [sic] Women (comedy gospel charity group), but no real drag culture. I know other cities have a vibrant drag community, but they are all similar to Austin in the large urban, somewhat socially liberal cities. That Wichita has a drag scene surprises me.

I caught the show the Sunday night before Christmas.

It was the Christmas Special!

Christmas is the perfect time for drag. All the glitter and color and pageantry of the holiday create a perfect excuse for a drag show.

It did not help much here.

The first song I heard performed was “O Holy Night.”

It was performed like a drag anthem, but it’s not! How can I say this nicely: it was just WRONG!

Nothing else the performers presented in the special represented a real drag anthem. As a whole it was bad drag all around, but I had a great time. If anything else because it was so unexpected.