Girl Crack Underwear

No. I have not been hacked.

No. It is not a weird fetish.

The title is everything!

I just did some analysis to see who viewed this blog. I looked at the searches that brought you to this site. Any reference to underwear or “girl-crack” sent my views through the roof. The title and tags make all the difference in the number of views. My most heartfelt compositions go ignored while titillating trivia draws masses. Now that I am looking at data, it makes me glad I competed in the headline writing contest in high school.

Some of you are really sick people! My post lamenting women’s fashion that revealed more than I ever want to see has had almost six times as many hits as any post in the seven year history of this expressive endeavor. What is sexy about “girl crack?” We lament the poor fit when it shows up on the infamous plumber for which it is named. Surely it cannot be a fashion statement held in high esteem by anyone. Oddly- the rash of girl-crack searches has surged in the last year. I guess the clothing styles found in a recession do not provide the necessary stimulation for some people.

The underwear bit I can somewhat relate to. I have written several times about how satisfying it can be to have just the right fit with underwear and my joy at finding just the right pair. For me, though, the posts have been more fashion advice than fetish. Other than making my day much better through comfort, underwear does nothing erotic for me. Still, those three posts continue to draw many views despite a few years passing since the last one.

And then there is the dead pet bit.

I was heartbroken when one of my dogs died suddenly, but the frequency with which people search for “dead pets” disturbs me even more. I do post from time to time as my various pets provide fodder for inspiration, but none of those missives has been visited nearly as many times as the one memorial passage to a dog. Unfortunately, I am certain it does not provide the comfort some or seeking or any over outpouring of grief.

In the interest of full disclosure, the headline (and tags) for this post were composed only with the expectation that together they will push me over the top for the most views in a month (I am well on track with less than a week remaining). Perhaps with more cleverly titled posts and a few key words put into the labels, I will actually experience an income from the blog after seven years.

In the meantime I am not holding my (comfortable underwear wearing, girl crack watching, dead dog loving) breath.

Underwear Crisis

Sunday is my laundry day. I frequently am accused of always doing laundry, but the truth is, I almost only do it on Sunday afternoon while dealing with household chores.

Because I like to start the week with a complete choice of clothing, I normally strip down to nothing while the laundry is washing.

This should serve as a warning to my friends who may think about an unscheduled visit on Sunday afternoon.

This last Sunday the weather was so nice I wanted the house open, so I wore clothes while doing laundry and working around the house.

As I have written before, I really like nice underwear. I'll spend the extra money to feel really comfortable down there.

Yesterday as I was getting dressed, I wanted to wear a particular pair of undies. As I started going through the drawer looking for them, I realized that I was wearing them Sunday while doing the laundry and that they were in the clothes bin.

Then a certain option crossed my mind. I am a fairly clean person.

I opted for another pair.

Underwear Fun 'ter Wear

A couple months ago, I wrote about how comfortable some new underwear I had purchased were. I became a blogging superstar to about five people after that post – one of which was a REAL underwear fetish page.

Since then, I have been much more aware of the underwear I see in stores around me, but I certainly have not developed an underwear fetish – most of the time I much prefer my men without their underwear. But I have, nonetheless, enjoyed the search for underwear and all the ways we present it now.

Last weekend while in San Francisco, I came across a shop in Castro that sold clothing from exquisite sunglasses to jeans that cost almost as much as the rest of my wardrobe. In a display near the back of the store, a variety of underwear were presented and none of them matched anything I had seen in Austin.

The most intriguing box of underwear offered a week supply. Each pair was named to match a day of week and the box had explicit directions for turning the underwear inside out, so one could wear them a second day. Still, there were only three pair in the box. One day of the week was destined to be a commando day.

So, I bought the box. And believe it or not, they are incredibly comfortable. But since there are only six days, choose your day to come visit carefully.

Underwear Fetish

Last week I went to dinner with a friend. We have a normal place where we go ninety percent of the time we eat out, but this time I proposed a change because I needed to purchase some new underwear and suggested we go to a place near the mall where I could accomplish my purchase.

He looked at me like I had lost the very central part of my sanity. “What underwear are you going to get at the mall?” He asked, looking down his nose at me like a librarian with half-lens reading glasses.

“Calvin Klein.” I replied.

“You still wear Calvin Klein?” He implored with a pitch that disguised his gender and made me anticipate his next comment would be something about CK underwear being, “so ‘80’s.”

Did CK make underwear in the ‘80’s? I only remember CK jeans in the ‘80’s thanks to the way Mrs. Nornberg stood in the hall each Friday with her butt blocking traffic so we would all read the label on her jeans.

“So where should I go?” I begged. Maybe my choice of underwear is why I rarely get laid. I wanted to know. And I wanted the best.

Without hesitation, he suggested Tapelenders, a local porn vendor.

Without hesitation, I replied, “Not on your life! My boss can see the door from his office!” in a pitch that disguised my gender!

Another librarian look and a disdainful, “They stay open late.”

So I went late.

I never realized that underwear could sell for more than $8 a pair. Most of the underwear was over $20 a pair; however, I did find a well known brand for $10 per pair. I’m cheap so I bought four pair.

I hate to say this, but they feel damn good! I’ll be going back for more very soon. I may even invest in the $20+ per pair kind. After years in the normal tighty-whities, I discovered a few years ago that the Calvin Kleins were worth the extra money and then actually found heaven with some GAP boxer briefs. Now I’m so comfortable, I don’t care if my underwear gets me laid or not.

When do you actually throw old underwear away? Is it when they fail to fulfill their function? Lawrence Ferlinghetti, the noted beat poet, suggested in his poem, “Underwear” that “Women’s underwear holds things up and men’s underwear holds things down.” (Obviously he didn’t wear boxers.) Or do you hold onto underwear until they are merely threads of their former selves?

I, for one, always prayed to never be in an accident.

But now that I have discovered the joy of great underwear, I may never again fear being in an accident. Bring it on. You can scar my face and maim my body, but my genitalia are comfortably held down!