Because...

Less than a day after Oxford announced that “selfie” was its word of the year, the Internet was ablaze with articles about the new preposition in the English language. As annoying as it is to have such a narcissistic term become the word of the year, accepting the change in usage of “because” is accepting one of the seven deadly sins into language. Using “because” as a preposition represents linguistic sloth at an unforgivable level.

Making  “because” a preposition usually serves to state something already obvious that could go without saying or it leaves the reader scratching their head.

“I tripped and almost fell today because clumsy.” We kind of figured that out at tripped. And you are telling us this because overshare.

“I cut the waiter’s tip in half because garnish.” So...not enough or too much parsley? The truth be told, you cut the tip in half because jerk.

I enjoy the changes in our language and that we have the ability to take certain liberties with it. I certainly do on a regular basis. Communicating the point we wish to make sometimes does not fit neatly into a grammatical box; stepping outside the traditional box draws attention to the statement being made as the reader/listener notices something unusual about it. Any adjustment to the traditional use of language should have purpose.

That would be the way I approach profanity. I rarely use it due to my belief that it carries great weight when used sparingly and under the right circumstance.

With the advent of text-spelling and Internet grammar, I expect there will be many more changes in the coming years as communication becomes more and more ubiquitous and compressed. Those of us who matured (relative term) prior to the wwwing of content find some of the rapid changes disconcerting.

Nevertheless, the changes will keep coming because creativity.

And They Call Him the Streak

Feeling at a loss for inspiration I started scouring my twitter feed and the various news sites I have on my iPad. An hour later, I had more than a few laughs but still wondered for inspiration. Disturbingly hilarious photos of families with their pets. A nude man robbing a liquor store. The litany of Republican presidential candidate gaffes. All of them are too good on their own. I do not need to comment on them. Even the news out of Penn State is so repulsive that I do not know where to even start in a commentary about it.

And then in real life, a guy wearing a trench coat walks into the coffee shop (start of many a joke) where I'm hanging out. It is 75 degrees. No good reason exists to be wearing a trench in the middle of a drought with this temperature. Well, no good reason unless you are going to flash someone.

He also ordered a hot chocolate.

That trench is coming off.

Unfortunately, he is somewhere behind me, so instead of doing the writing I want to do, I am closely watching the people in my line of sight so I can be ready with my phone camera when the big event goes off. I am trying to imagine how it will go down for a play by play announcer:

And he stands from his seat.

The table to the right is fully absorbed in their studies.

He's fully in the clear. He has a direct shot.

And he's walking.

He's walking.

His hand is on the button.

The table knows somethings up. He's closing in.

And there you have it folks. A wide open trench coat. Full frontal exposure.

The girl at the corner gasps as the boy next to her spews his coffee and points.

The guy across the table leaps to his feet.

But just as quickly trench guy is out the door.

Maybe I have been following Ruth Buzzi on Twitter too much lately. The whole trench coat schtick seems very 1970's. Do people still do that or does webcamming fulfill the fetish for people who have the need to expose themselves live to others? Lately there have been more stories of people streaking at sporting events than in past years, so perhaps we are regressing to a more personal touch for our exposure. Has social media become so distant even exhibitionists have to find a venue with real people?

If that is the case then Avenue Q is going to have to rewrite one of the funniest songs. The Internet is no longer for porn: it's for real stuff.

Identity Crisis

The move to simplify my life online led to a few hours of identity crisis Monday as I began to find ways to consolidate the various chat and emails into common identity. I frequently chat with friends from around the world on AIM, Yahoo IM, and MSN messenger, so I feel compelled to have a name on each medium. I don’t really need email in each of those media, but you have to have one to get the chat identity. In some cases they come as a package deal.

So, who am I?

I wanted a name that merged both private and professional lives.

My childhood nickname is Rusty and that name has continued with me through various parts of my life even when I have moved on professionally with my “real” name, Roy.

Of course, plain Rusty and Roy were taken. It was much easier to get the name you wanted back in the 1990’s when all this internet stuff was just getting started.

As I began to play on the various sites, I began to play with variations on a theme.

Then I remembered a comment that had been applied to me multiple times. “Pocket” was used as an adjective before a noun to describe me. The term refers to my small physical stature - “I could put you in my pocket and take you home.” My friend B called me Pocket Hercules because I was always the one carrying the kitchen table down and up the stairs when he moved (which was frequently for a while). Another friend E called me a Pocket Queer.

I decided to embrace it.

So my online identity is now “pocketrusty”. Add me to your instant messenger and keep in touch!

Cleaning Up Online

Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

This morning as I turned on the computer, one of my chat accounts tried to get cranky with me and would not log-on. The other names all had no problems, only the one did. It was only then that I noticed I had seven chat-identities. Most of them were repeats of the same name - just one for each of the major chat programs, Yahoo, MSN, and AIM. Some were creations from years ago (all the way back to the 90’s when chat first began) that have continued to hang around though I no longer use the email addresses associated with them.

I started going through emails and realized there are six different email addresses I use regularly.

I went through Facebook and saw that there are some 300 “Friends” I have. As I scrolled through the names, I saw some people who had added me as friends with whom I have not talked in over 20 years. Am I really friends with them if we have not spoken in over 20 years or was the friend request simply a statement of “Oh, hey, there’s a name I recognize.”

Some of them were people from college and we have moved our different ways and prior to the internet, staying in contact really did take more effort, but now it is quite easy for us to stay in contact and sites such as Facebook have played a valuable role in the reconnections. But for others from my home town, with whom I barely had a connection while growing up, are we really friends now? I started removing connections - or as the word of the year says, “unfriend”ing people.

But if we never really were friends, is it now unfriending?

I’m in the process of consolidating the various chat names into a single ID for each of the three main programs, but I have not thought of the right creative catch name. My primary two emails will likely stay the same, however, I will most likely kill off all the others. It may even cut down the junk email for a few months!

Skype Me

I really hate talking on the phone. It makes me incredibly nervous to pick up the phone and call someone. Something about a disembodied voice makes me uncomfortable. A voice without a face attached is only semi-human. Phones though have become so ubiquitous that we scoff at those with only a home phone.

Yeah – I have a home phone, but I don’t know the number. I mean it. I didn’t learn it, don’t use it, and don’t share it. I only remember it is there because the caller id flashes up on the television screen from time to time because it is part of the package with cable and internet. It is one of those wacky promotions where you have to get something you don’t want to get what you want at a really low price.

Skype came about in somewhat the same way for me. I needed a way to do a conference call with a technical support person and wanted my staff to be able to hear the responses and ask questions. Since there was no phone in the room and wireless Internet, I decided to check out skype and see if it would work.

This is what phones are supposed to be!

I don’t have to hold it, there is the possibility of video calling (though I have not tried it), and I can do normal other things while talking with someone and am not concerned with holding anything in my hand.

I think my real problem with a “phone” is that I have to handle it, hold it, and it limits what I can be doing while I’m also talking. With skype, as long as the microphone can pick up my voice and the speakers are loud enough for me to hear, I can use it.

Now I am trying to track down all my friends with skype to add them to the address book.

So….skype me at “roylarson” or 15126860394

It Could be Worse....

You Are 46% Addicted to the Internet

You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't? You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

I feared it could be much worse since I spend so much time on the computer, but it is not all about social purposes - I read hundreds of pages of professional writing/research each week, so I guess that made up for some of the bad habits - yes, I like those of you I chat with more than most of the people I know in real life.